The Gift

keep in mind that Parliment and I planted Cousin Bone’s piece at Bonnaroo with a full bowl in hope that good things would grow from it.

went to the Shawnee CaveFest on the saturday after four twenty. an incredible venue, this big amphitheater literally cut into the rock by time and water. Kelly K had sent me a care package of ganja treats, so I had that going for me, but no herb. some kind folk were more than happy to share, and I was pretty well set, but head was still wishing for his own stash. the Station was playing totally off the hook and lightning was flashing all across the sky when this big bearded bear that could only have been Savage’s long lost cousin sidles up to me. how’s it going, he sez.  the only way it could be better is if I had a pocket full of chronic, I reply. he grins a big bear grin and sez, I got some killer pot but I just burned one so I’ll load one here after a minute. sweet, I say. its raining a little so I put on my windbreaker. haven’t broke this thing out since the ‘Roo. man, the Station is rocking this cave and my old ears are falling apart. wonder if I have any ear plugs leftover from…hey, what’s this in my pocket? could it be? nah it couldn’t. yes it is.

a fatty nug of that uberchron Bone brought down with him to the ‘Roo, patiently waiting in my pocket for an entire year just to be there with me at CaveFest. the world is indeed a mysterious and wonderful place.

The Mouse and Old El Paso

It was a dark and stormy night when Pablo the mouse stuck his whiskers past the gnawed edges of his mousehole and surveyed the old wooden dock that jutted out into the harbor.  The fishing boats were tied up alongside, as they always were on a dark stormy night, unless one of them didn’t make it home, which had only happened once in Pablo’s lifetime here on the wharf.  Pablo’s family had always lived on the docks; they were mostly gone now.  Only Pablo remained, and that was because he never went on the boats.  There were all kinds of wonderful treats on the boats, he knew, delicious tidbits just waiting for a brave mouse to nibble upon.  But Pablo wasn’t a brave mouse.  He was an old one.

The rain was coming down in sheets and lightning flashed across the sky.  A lantern burned on a post beside the boat belonging to the old Swede, and light poured out of the wheelhouse as well.   The Swede’s boat always smelled the best to Pablo.  Even when the Mexican deckhands stopped mending the nets to eat it didn’t smell as good as the Swede’s boat.   If I were to go on a boat, thought Pablo, I would go on the Swede’s.

Strange sound came from the Swede’s boat, enticing the mouse nearly as much as the smell.  He could barely hear it over the wind and the rain, but he liked it.  His whiskers poked a bit further out of his hole.  He tried to retreat, but the smell made his little pink nose twitch, and his whiskers shook in delight.  He edged down the dock towards the old Swede’s boat.

Never had Pablo been so far out on the dock.  Before he knew it, he was alongside the old Swede’s boat.  A rope held the boat fast to the dock, and the wind whistling thru the masts made the old trawler tug at the line.  Pablo looked behind him at his mousehole longingly.  He wanted to go back, but he couldn’t.  The strange sound drifted past his tiny ears.

He was on the rope now, scurrying across it as quick as a mouse.  The boat now, and the fear so strong in him he could barely walk.  He skittered towards the wheelhouse, the bright light, the delicious smell, and the strange sound.  His whiskers twitched as he poked his head across the threshold.

“Out in the west Texas town of El Paso,” Marty Robbins sang.

The old Swede was having a party.  He had been ahead of the storm, ahead of the others, and the bad weather had pushed the fish into his nets by the ton.  Some fresh Limburger cheese sat on the table near his hand, his knife stuck in it at an awkward angle.  He turned his head and eyed the cautious mouse.

“A brave little mouse,” he said.  “Looking for his cheese.  God has been fine to me today, my small friend, and your courage delights me.  Do you like Marty Robbins?”

The Swede cut a small sliver of cheese with his knife.  Pablo’s whiskers twitched.  He scampered to and fro, uncertain what might come, but delighted despite himself.  The old fisherman tossed it to the mouse.

“I am a great fisherman,” the old Swede said, “but I have no friends, no family.  I like you mouse, and if it be to your liking, I invite you to stay with me here on my boat.”

Pablo didn’t understand the words, but he liked the cheese.  It was the finest meal he had ever enjoyed.  He ate it and sprinted for a small crack in the cupboards of the galley, squirming through it as fast as he could.  He poked his nose through the crack, and his whiskers twitched.  The old Swede smiled.

“I fell in love with a Mexican girl.”

4/20 Story

went downtown Carbondale to look for a hip restaurant cuz I’m staying out in little california where there is nothing but applebees knockoffs, soy burgers, and taco hell. parked at the town square intent on wandering the streets towards Southern Illinois University in search of my kind. ah, ha! a dread headed couple walking south on the other side of the street. I pick up my pace. a few blocks and I can cut them off. they know the score for sure. perfect! I dash across the street and approach ’em with a kind smile. “hey dread, where’s the herb?” mind you this is an absolutely hippie looking little bugger right off the campus of UM. beard, cords, you know the drill. the expression on his face shows that he knows, but his lady looks rather dubious of my polo shirt. hey, not all of us have a trust fund. so I have a job, big deal. I’m part of the System. how do you think your parents are paying the bill on the credit card they gave you? what, do you think Haile Selassie is covering that? do you even know who Haile Selassie is? I was burning herb before you quit wetting the bed. I try to stay calm. his face sez yes, but the mouth sez, “uh . . . no.” shouldn’t rasta be rasta despite the ramifications of answering yes to this question, even if I am the law? better give him another chance. “are you sure?” the smell of patchouli lingers in the air as they slink off to his Land Cruiser, dreadlocks between their legs. damn them! its four fuckin’ twenty, for Bob’s sake. go join the Peace Corps or Hitler Youth or something, you worthless poseurs!